HOW TO PROPOSE TO HER (SUCCESSFULLY)
Guys, you’ll know when you are ready for marriage.
There’s no said timeframe. You’ll know when you know. And if you don’t, well, you probably wouldn’t be looking for the answers we have prepared here.
As a marriage proposal planner, I get asked all the time by guys (just like you) who are ready to take their commitment to the next level.
Let me just say that you do not need to spend lots of money and have an elaborate setup - she will probably say Y-E-S anyway. But, if you do decide to invest effort into asking her to be your future wife, the extra mile goes a long way.
Here is everything you will need to know to answer the question of “how to propose to her (and how do I get her to say YES to me)”.
What To Say To Her (Or Your Partner)
There’s nothing worse than a scripted marriage proposal.
As clichéd as this is going to sound, speak from your heart - even if you are a man of few words, dig deep to find the words that convey what she means to you.
This is marriage after all! If there was ever a time to say something meaningful and melt her heart, THIS IS IT!
When talking to her, make eye contact and hold her hands in yours.
I don’t care if your palms get sweaty when you’re nervous, and trust me, neither will she.
Revisit how you first met and how she made you feel.
For example, “Remember that big finance 101 lecture we shared back in first year? You didn’t know me back then but that’s when I first saw you and you have been my everything since that first day.”
Tell her that she still makes you feel the same way, if not more. Tell her that she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.
Once you have said all the sweet nothings, this is when you can kneel. At this stage, your partner will know exactly what is about to happen.
This is when you close with the all important 4 words - “Will you marry me?”
Do I Get Down On One Knee? If So, Which Knee?
A lot of tradition is based on old outdated values. Kneeling when proposing is one such tradition based on old lore.
Are you much of a medieval romantic? Do you think it is important to her? Base your decision on the latter.
We’ve had guys kneel and not kneel with 100% success rate.
If you do decide that you wish to get down on one knee, do so with the left knee. With this, you can hold the ring in your right hand.
But what if you are left handed?
Then do the reverse (i.e., get down on one knee, hold the ring in your left hand) or whatever seems natural and most comfortable to you.
Kneeling doesn’t really matter in the moment. Not kneeling normally would not result in her refusing your proposal.
But for the picture-perfect proposal moment, you can always reenact the moment whilst kneeling if so inclined.
How To Propose To Her In 9 Steps (Get Her To Say Yes)
Step 1: Pick a suitable engagement ring
You will need to find out her ring size and know what type of ring she will want. There is plenty of information on the diamond selection process and most guys tend to know how to shop.
From our experience, there can be delays with receiving an engagement ring - things beyond you or the jeweller’s control. This is why we encourage ring shopping to be the first step. Once you have the engagement ring, you can put the wheels in motion.
If you have absolutely no idea what your partner likes, I recommend that you have a chat about it.
“But won’t that spoil the surprise?” - you may ask.
Signalling your intent is a a great way to get her excited. For starters, she will know that you are ready to commit to your relationship, and secondly, most women will happily tell you what type of engagement ring they want.
By involving her into the decision process, you may discover that she wants a bespoke engagement ring - that is, not your typical jewellery chain store purchase. Or perhaps you will discover that she doesn’t want a diamond as her gem stone.
If you do not want to reveal your intentions, we recommend asking a close friend of hers. This is because friends always talk about relationships and I’m willing to bet that your partner has talked about engagement rings with her friends.
Step 2: Pick a date for the proposal
Once you have an engagement ring, pick a date for the surprise proposal to take place. The date doesn’t need to fall on an anniversary or a special date. Pick a date that gives you enough leeway to prepare and get comfortable with being uncomfortable. Many guys choose to propose whilst on holiday together. Or, you can choose to ask her to marry you locally.
Step 3: Pick the proposal place
With the date set in your calendar, pick a suitable location for you to ‘drop the knee’. The location is important; choose a crowded place and it could be awkward. You may feel intimidated and some of the magic may be lost. Your choice in location can be a way to show that you know her - pick a spot that has meaning to you both - that will definitely earn you some extra marks. Remember this guys, make her the priority!
Step 4: Pick a suitable time
Timing is everything gentlemen. It pays to do some reconnaissance to see what the spot will look like at the exact time of the proposal. You can gauge foot traffic, angle of light, and general logistics to minimise things that could go wrong. As someone who used to work in logistics and supply chain, it’s the small things that make or break a perfect moment.
Generally speaking, you cannot go wrong with sunset or dusk.
Step 5: Choose an appropriate outfit
Here’s an idea - wear something nice!
Seriously. Put some effort into it.
Step 6: Tell her parents of your intentions
The days of asking for permission are somewhat outdated. A daughter is no longer for a father to ‘give away’. However, your partner may have a very close relationship with her parent(s). I always recommend telling your partner of your intention to marry as a symbol of respect - it goes a long way with the in-laws.
Step 7: Come up with a credible backstory
Great engagements are built on lies *ahem* surprises.
From our experience, most partners never see the proposal coming. They may have a suspicion but in most cases, no one ever knows when and where it will drop.
A credible backstory doesn't have to be an elaborate lie. The purpose of the ruse is to give her a reason to feel her best with the right makeup and wardrobe. For our marriage proposal clients, I always recommend telling the girl that you are going out on a date. She will naturally dress up and reduces the possibility that she will be upset that she isn’t looking and feeling her best whilst being proposed to.
If appropriate, consider including friends and family into the ruse.
Step 8: Hire a photographer to capture the moment(s)
Whether you love it or hate it, it’s all about the Gram these days. So get with the program guys!
Make sure you hire a photographer who is experienced with surprise proposals. We work with a small number of exclusive wedding photographers who know how to stay unseen yet produce quality results. They can provide recommendations on how to make the proposal more streamlined and less stressful for you.
As an added bonus, you can get some impromptu professional photos to announce the happy news. Social media ‘likes’ do matter! She will LOVE all the positive comment.
Step 9: Pop the question
When it’s time - it’s time!
You can choose to kneel. Or not. Some guys plan to kneel but in the heat of the moment, forget to. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter - she won’t notice.
Take the ring from its box (you want to be holding out the ring, not the open box).
Take a deep breath, make eye contact, and just do it. This is the moment you have been building up towards. You’ve got this mate.
Tell her how she makes you feel and promise all the sweet things she deserves.
When she says ‘Y-E-S’, help place the ring on her left hand.
What Are Some Good Ways To Propose?
As marriage proposal planners, we are big fans of personalisation. This is because what one person likes, another will dislike.
Your partner is the same.
What makes a surprise marriage proposal romantic, perfect, and special is the thought behind the question. Doing what other people have done or what is trending on Instagram communicates the wrong message. If money could buy love you would have done so already.
If you are going to commit to her and tell her that you are ready to make the leap into a lifelong relationship - make sure she is the centre.
That is, before you decide on anything marriage proposal related, ask yourself if it is about her or about you. Use it as a decision-making anchor so that your marriage proposal is super personal. The moment you start deviating away from her, you’ll begin to make (costly) mistakes.
You should know your partner best - her personality, her triggers, and things she really dislikes. For example, if you know that she is not comfortable in crowded situations, make sure to keep the marriage proposal intimate/private by limiting the people present (directly or indirectly).
Similarly, if you know your partner is a thrill-seeker, you can plan the proposal around an adrenaline-pumping event. But if you know she isn’t, it may be wise to not propose to her whilst sky-diving.
For some couples, a simple marriage proposal is best for them and for others, something over-the-top is who they are.
You’ll know what is right - and we can help put it together so that you don’t have to worry about all the minor details (I’ve been known to contact a friend of your partner’s so that I can verify whether the things you think she likes are in fact things she likes - I’m not a stalker at all).
How To Propose To Her: Simple Marriage Proposal Ideas
Some girls want something ‘extra’. Others just want something small, meaningful, and intimate. If she is someone who prefers privacy and doesn’t like being show-ey, these simple ways to propose to her will go straight to her heart.
1. During a family gathering
If her family is an integral part of her life, proposing during a family gathering may be the perfect proposal plan for you.
Surrounded by her innermost circle, she will feel most safe amongst family. And when she says ‘YES’, she will feel all the love from those who care about her most making it extra warm and fuzzy.
2. A walk down memory lane
Organise a date night in advance. In fact, have a series of date nights so that by the time you propose, you will completely take her by surprise.
Go revisit a few of the places that have sentimental meaning to your relationship. Tell her how much she means to you (read: how much you love her) and pop the question.
Low-key, simple, and effective.
And once engaged, continue with the date nights - perfect idea to keep the marriage healthy!
3. Home-cooked meal
Home-cooking takes a lot of love because delivering flavours requires much patience. This is because you cannot rush deliciousness.
In the weeks leading up to the surprise proposal, make a habit of preparing home-cooked meals for her. And when you are ready (ring, what to say etc), set up the mood lighting and pop the question in the privacy of your own home.
4. After sex
Hey, for some couples - this is exactly what is right for them. You’ll know who you are. If this avenue is for you, make sure that the sex is great (for your partner - not just you). A 10-second thrusting session isn’t the best start to a lifelong commitment. Just saying ..
If 50 Shades of Grey is your thing, perhaps leave us out of the planning process ok? We’ll support you in spirit.
How To Propose: Some Go Big Or Go Home Proposal Ideas
Some girls want the whole shebang (and they deserve it!). Here are a few more elaborate proposal ideas that will cost you some bling.
1. Ask for her hand in marriage in a helicopter tour during golden hour
You simply cannot beat beautiful light and great scenery. These two go hand-in-hand for a romantic setting. Queenstown, NYC, and Sydney harbour are popular choice where you cannot go wrong.
2. Drop the knee whilst on an overseas holiday together
If you believe that life is a collection of experiences, chances are that traveling the world (together) is something that you and your partner cherish. So it makes sense to ask for her hand in marriage when abroad! After all, holidays are happy moments!
Many men have had success doing the following:
Proposing in Paris, somewhere near or at the Eiffel Tower
Proposing in NYC
Using the cabin intercom to make a public proposal announcement whilst in the air (make sure you’ve read the signs otherwise you may be stuck in a very long awkward flight together)
Helicopter to a secluded mountain near Queenstown, New Zealand
Proposing in Santorini, Greece
On a gondola in Venice
Perhaps leave the northern lights out of your list though. Do you know how cold it is?
3. Flash mob
If you can pull it off, you truly deserve a lifetime of happiness. But given how difficult it is to coordinate and that finding the perfect time slot where friends and family are available may prove to be a challenge.
4. On the water
Charter your very own private boat/yacht. After all, this is Sydney and we have one of the best harbours in the world.
Ask your Captain to anchor at quiet cove and when you’re ready - pop the question. Afterwards, you can relax together and ponder about what life will look like in the future (and even perhaps start wedding planning!).
5. Hire us to give her a super personalised experience
When you want something done to perfection, call the professionals.
Leave the ‘YES’ to us. We don’t do ‘maybes’.
What Are The Best Lies To Use?
If you are going to document the surprise proposal with photos and/or video, a ruse is necessary to ensure that your girlfriend is appropriately dressed for the occasion. Chances are that she will never forgive you for not telling her to dress up and/or do her hair/nails/makeup.
No matter how grand and perfect your proposal ideas are, if your girlfriend is not feeling adequately dressed - she will always remember this in the good times and most definitely in the bad times.
Romantic proposals are built on the best lies.
In our experience, the following 2 reasons work 100%:
Going out for an event (dinner/musical/movie/theatre/gathering)
Photoshoot to ‘help a friend’ with their portfolio
Need help to flesh these ideas out? Get in touch with our surprise proposal planning team.
Want To Propose And Want To Give Her What She Deserves?
You’re at the right place.
Now that you know how to propose to her, let us execute it for you.
We can help.
To get started, get in touch with us so that we can get an idea of who she is and what she likes. We’ll go over what is important to you and give you an idea of how much it will all cost.